Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
