Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
