A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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