i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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