Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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