In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize