Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
