What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
