im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
