worst night to have a conscience
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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