my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
