we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We have started to decorate penises.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
