u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
