And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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