you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
