I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
