i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize