i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
