Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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