high people should be assigned attendants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She bit a glass in half.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
