Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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