Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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