Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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