also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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