is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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