Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
