glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
