WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
