OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize