can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
