She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
