Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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