i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
