Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
