i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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