I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
