The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
