I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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