Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
