Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
