Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
