you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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