my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
