Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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