sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just shotgunned beers for America
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
