I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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