arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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