Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize