My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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