I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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