Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
