he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So much rum. So many feels.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
