im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
