i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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