I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
