i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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