I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
