look no pants
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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