it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
