If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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