My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
