Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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