he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
