just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
