My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
